Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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