How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
