she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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