Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I accidentally burped into my bong.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
honey bunches of taint.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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