omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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