i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
