I hate all girls vehemently.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
