Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
