We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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