for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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