watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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