What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
