i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
