i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
