If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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