I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
