we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Never joke about your clitoris.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
