Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
