So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
