Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
