when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
