He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
