no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
