Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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