$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
