I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
