dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
