when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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