I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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