watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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