woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
