I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Two words: blizzard sex
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
