I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
