a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
How's work?
Spinning.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
