i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
