saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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