Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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