Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
