I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Randomize
