My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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