Where is the hickey?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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