Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
