Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Green mimosas i think yes
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
