weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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