it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
