Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You are the jesus of drinking
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
