Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
