he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
