How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
