Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
