im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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