Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
