I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
the condom got lost in my hair
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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