Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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