just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize