I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I think I won the penis lottery.
I skipped work to stalk him.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
