He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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