i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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