My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
