So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
