so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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