update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Let's paint friendship bongs
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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