3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize