Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
