dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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