Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
