so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
