how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
