the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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