I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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