Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
