U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
