in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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