We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
