Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
