Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
